The best chance for a happy marriage is to learn these 6 secrets for a happy married life. There isn’t a road map to chart a happy marriage. A lot of couples give up too soon and many marriages end in divorce. That’s unfortunate, because a successful life together begins with a happy relationship. There’s so much you can do to strengthen your marriage and help make it last.
Researchers have found these secrets to strengthen marriages and make them last:
- Have realistic expectations. Sure, you can make it through the early stages of a relationship when things are new and exciting. But watch out for those annoying little habits that creep up as the years go on. A relationship requires work and energy to grow and thrive. Understand that it’s not always going to be blissful every minute of every day. Expect the unexpected and be prepared for whatever comes your way.
- Sometimes you have to say “I’m sorry.” Mistakes are going to happen despite giving it your best effort. Studies have shown that the people slowest to apologize are the ones most likely to stay single or get divorced. Choose your battles. Sometimes you have a choice of whether you’d rather be right or be happy. Be strong enough to say you’re sorry and move on. It can go a long way to repairing your partner’s hurt feelings. It is a sign of respect you should always have for each other.
- Arguing is okay but in a respectful way. Arguing in a relationship has no effect on its success as much as how a couple argues. One psychologist claims a 95% success rate for predicting which relationships would fail just by listening to an argument for five minutes!
The four factors that make all the difference when you argue are: contempt, being defensive, criticizing and withdrawing. Avoid these behaviors and learn how to communicate in a relationship.
Tell each other how you feel about the situation without belittling or name calling. Constructive criticism should be geared to the action they are taking and not the person themselves. Look at the situation from the other person’s perspective to avoid being defensive. Listen with an open mind about what you are doing and how that makes the other person feel. Don’t use the silent treatment. It’s okay to take some time to cool down before continuing but don’t withdraw completely from the situation. Work it out respectfully!
- Laugh with each other. Think about the good times you’ve shared together. Talk about and relive them. Reminiscing about fun times helps keep couples together.
Try creating some happy, new memories and remind your spouse about some of the fun you’ve had together in the past. Be on the lookout for special moments that can come from the simplest things. Maybe you’re doing something routine like paying bills, but a silly moment can trigger laughter. Maybe you have a funny name that you call each other or you catch your spouse doing a silly habit. It can be your inside joke that the two of you relate to but nobody in the world would get the humor. Savor those moments, take the time to notice them and call them out to each other. Laughing together strengthens your marriage! This could be one of the most important secrets for a happy married life.
- Find five good times for every bad one. Research has shown that marriages require at least five positive interactions for each negative one. What is a good interaction? It doesn’t have to be your anniversary or some special event. It can be simple like a fun afternoon, a positive conversation or a good hug. You know what a negative interaction is. Try to minimize those and make up for them with several good ones.
- Avoid criticizing when you have a complaint. If your spouse’s behavior bothers you, it’s okay to point it out and ask them to stop. But, avoid personal attacks. You can say, “It drives me crazy when you throw your dirty socks all over the floor.” But avoid saying, “You’re such a slob. What’s your problem?”
Remember, it is the act you are criticizing, not the person. Most people are not going to change but they can take your view into consideration and understand that they might be doing something that is bothersome to you. They might do it without realizing it, so it’s going to take some time to get in the habit of not doing it. Give them a chance and consider compromising. Don’t make your spouse feel like they are being attacked. You can’t change who you are but with respect for each other, you can make slight changes in what you do when you take the other person’s feelings into consideration.
A happy marriage is priceless and it’s worth the effort. It can be especially important if you have children and want to set a good example and positive atmosphere for their well-being. There are times when we all have to put our own needs aside and do whatever we can to strengthen our relationships. Remember these secrets for a happy married life as you work toward a happy marriage and give your relationship the time and attention it deserves.
