When my spouse is giving me the silent treatment, they are refusing to talk. Marriage therapists consider this a form of emotional abuse. Many psychological experts also label this as controlling and passive-aggressive behavior.
It is a way of making their partner miserable to get what they want. It’s basically considered a form of pouting.
Although this may work in the short term, it’s brutally damaging marital relationships as well as other types of relationships:
- Friendships
- Parent-child relationships
- Sibling relationships
- Work relationships
- Intimate relationships
- And more
When my spouse is giving me the silent treatment, there are many pitfalls to consider, such as:
- It doesn’t solve anything. Not speaking to your spouse only makes things worse by not addressing the issue. It’s like when a baby cries because it isn’t getting what it wants. However, the baby has no other means to communicate and just honestly portraying its feelings.Sometimes your spouse may even be pretending that nothing is wrong while inside they are seething with animosity. This causes the anger to build while the original issue is no closer to being solved. It is not good for either partner.
- You may resent it. Okay so maybe that is the intended reaction but it only causes the resentment between you to get even worse.
- It adds more stress to the relationship. When both partners are harboring resentment, it creates more stress in the relationship. It can’t do any good except maybe provide a brief cooling off period. Any more than that is going to harm the relationship.
- The trust between you decreases. The person getting the silent treatment will develop a lack of trust for their spouse. Silence is not always golden and in this case it is not a way to solve a problem. You may question what other behavior this person will stoop to in the future?You may be considering looking for love elsewhere when your spouse is giving you the silent treatment.
Consider these alternatives:
- Have a direct conversation. It’s okay to talk to your spouse civilly about issues you may be having with them. When they respond with their own point of view, before you know it you are having a conversation and are that much closer to coming to a resolution.Talking leads to answers and resolutions to get the problem behind you and move on with a happy life.
- Put your feelings in writing. If you can’t verbalize your feelings, it might be easier to collect your thoughts and write them down. Writing a letter can be just as effective as a verbal conversation. If you don’t like using a pen and paper, send an email instead. It doesn’t matter what method of communication you use as long as you are actually communicating in some way.
- Communicate effectively. Point out the behavior or the situation and how it makes you feel. Remember that you should always address the specific behavior, not attack the person. When you attack your partner personally, the situation is sure to escalate.You might say “It drives me crazy when you leave your dirty clothes on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper.” This is a better than the following statement.“What is wrong with you? Didn’t your mother teach you how to be a decent person? Put your dirty clothes in the hamper.”
- Be objective and listen. There’s two sides to every story. After you’ve spoken your piece, take the time to listen to what your spouse has to say. Be open-minded because you may learn something you didn’t know.
When my spouse is giving me the silent treatment, it may be satisfying to them but it can also be detrimental to our relationship. In the short-term, it might get them what they want and they may even be smug about it. But be aware that it leaves the other spouse unhappy about the situation and not at all impressed. They need to realize that they are hurting the relationship and driving you away. If your spouse doesn’t want you to consider seeking companionship elsewhere, they need to find better ways to communication and avoid the silent treatment.
The silent treatment is not a way to solve problems. It is always best to have open and honest conversations with your spouse to foster respect and to be more effective at resolving the issues. This is the key to a successful marriage.
